Regime Change in the Heartland

Gretna, NE – The Nebraska Plainsmen turned the page of the franchise history today by going back a couple chapters to bring back some familiar faces. Team owner Richard Owen smiled at reporters as he opened the press conference at Conestoga Stadium. “I’m sure you have all been anxiously waiting and camping out in the airport to see who was coming in for interviews,” he was quoted as saying. “Well let me put the rumors to rest and bring out your new coaching staff.”

With that Mr. Owen stepped aside and a stunned audience witnessed what amounted to a Midwestern Beatles reunion as not only did new Head Coach David Beam take the podium, but he was flanked by the new OC, DC, and STC, David Heim, Terrance Greenlee, and John Branch. Not even the most optimistic Plainsman fanboy would have anticipated such a who’s who of Plainsman/Blitz lore to be stalking the sidelines again. “I would just like to bring back some of the guys who knew how to win in the past to come back and teach these young Plainsmen to win today.” David Beam was quoted as saying.

There was some contention as to whether or not David Heim might even be a coaching candidate, for either HC or OC, considering his checkered past with team owner Richard Owen, who traded him for a 6th round pick when he took over the team to alleviate the salary cap. “All that’s water under the bridge.” Said Heim seemingly confirming the report that Owen had mended broken fences when he brought Heim back to finish his career out at Nebraska.

When questioned about the new defensive schemes that would be brought in with the regime change the coaches seemed uncomfortable to let any plans slip, but there were some clues to the direction of the club gleaned from the stoic group. “Well, I can promise that there won’t be any more of the Quarterback being the leading rusher on the team, I can promise you that.” Joked Heim, which seemed to answer the unspoken question of whether or not the team would be bringing back crowd favorite George Marcotte. Terrance Greenlee commented that, “The line will continue to lead the way for this team.” This amid swirling rumors that the team is potentially looking to field offers for Ervin Ginn and Kevin Merrick.
All in all, this looks to be a bright new chapter for the Plainsmen moving into 2024 despite the fact the characters are from previous chapters.

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Nebraska to Fire Nolte

After a lengthy investigation by the CFA it was revealed that there was no wrong doing committed by Nolte or the Plainsmen medical staff during the 2023 season. However, that was not enough to save the job of the embattled coach. In a statement, owner Richard Owen thanked Coach Nolte for all of his work navigating the franchise through its transition to the Midwest. Effective immediately the current coaching staff has been let go and we will be looking to conduct interviews to find a coaching candidate over the weekend. When pressed on whether Defensive Coordinator David Beam might be considered for the head job Mr. Owen was evasive saying, “We will get who we think is the best man for the job.”

Rumored Candidates:

David Beam – Former Middle Linebacker for the Blitz/Plainsmen. At the time of his retirement held the career mark for tackles, forced fumbles, and fumble recoveries. Last year, as defensive coordinator, he elevated the Plainsmen defense from dead last statistically to middle of the pack and top ten in points allowed.

David Heim – Holder of every major Blitz/Plainsmen passing record. Could elevate a team with an anemic offense despite being top three in rushing last year. With a strong connection with former teammate David Beam he might be able to coax the DC to stay.

Juan Henry – Considered by many to be the greatest running back in league history. Could continue the Plainsmen policy of run first, run second, run some more, and if that doesn’t work give it to the Fullback.

Michael Bays – Possibly one of the smartest offensive minds in football today, but has an explosive temper.